PLUS A NEW LIST FOR PUN LOVERS.
HANGOVER CURES FROM AROUND THE WORLD
or : How to survive the wrath of grapes.
YOU CAN THROW ALL THE ABOVE TOGETHER AND HOPE FOR THE BEST OR YOU CAN TRY:Lemon Pits
Apparently some Puerto Ricans (and other citrusy fresh folk) swear by this. While I’ve read a few different opinions, the general belief is that you need to rub a slice of lemon in the armpit of your drinking arm (really?) before you start boozing. Out of lemons? Lime’s fine.
From Russia with Glove…
Some Russians (none that I know) claim all you have to do is wrap raw fish and cucumber in soft leather, then squeeze and drink the juice. I guess drinking it makes you puke and that’s what makes you feel better.
The Muck of the Irish
The Irish should know—so take a tip from them and bury yourself in moist river sand. It’s not exactly clear if you should keep your head above ground, or if this is simply a plot to get rid of the weakest drinkers.
Slice of Sicilian
Sicilians say, (and don’t try arguing with them) just eat a dried bull’s penis. Can you get that at Stop and Shop?
Lickety Split
Word is (according to some researcher at the BBC ) that Native Americans would run around in the morning and get sweaty after a hard night on the village and then lick up their own sweat and spit it out. Why am I dubious? And what was the BBC researcher drinking?
Kickin’ it old school
After a wild night of Dionysian debauchery, Ancient Greeks were all about a nice breakfast of sheep lungs and two owl eggs. And the Romans would chow down on deep-fried canaries, which I can only assume were sold in big, family-size buckets.
Voodoo
These folks are all over the place with dozens of concoctions that require mixing together a ridiculous number of ingredients in conjunction with various rituals and rites…but one of them is fairly simple: stick 13 black pins in the cork of the offending bottle. Don’t know how this works with twist off tops but you can probably look it up—there’s a lot of Voodoo info out there.
Mongolian Mary
For heavy drinkers in outer Mongolia “a pair of pickled sheep’s eyes in tomato juice” seems to work for the inebriated hordes. Wonder if the eyes come on tooth picks like olives in a Martini.
Hare today Gone tomorrow
Rough and tough cowboys of the Wild West drinking fresh, hot tea? Wait, then they put what in it? Rabbit droppings? Yes, the best part of waking up is rabbit shit in your cup.
But my personal favorite comes from my friend and headache specialist Dr. Alex Mauskop. He developed a pill that contains a combination of aspirin and magnesium—and though it was formulated to relieve headache pain, I’ve discovered that it works wonders for a hangover. It’s called Migralex and you can learn all about it at: http://www.migralex.com and if you buy any, let me know so I can collect my commission.
I’m cursed with a love of Puns. It’s how my brain (mal) functions
…but Mozart and Shakespeare were similarly afflicted, so that makes me feel better. If your brain is not weirdly wired that way as well, read no further…
I HAVE BEEN COLLECTING AND CONCOCTING A LIST OF OCCUPATIONAL PUNS ( A THEME THAT COULD MAKE FOR A VERY ENTERTAINING CROSSWORD PUZZLE ) …HERE’S WHAT I’VE GOT SO FAR:
The politician was devoted...or disappointed or denominated
The Poet diversified
The botanist deflowered.
The printer depressed.
The mathematician nonplussed.
A writer described.
A wine merchant deported.
A cashier distilled.
A celebrity defamed.
A policeman unwarranted.
A judge dishonored.
A bishop disgraced.
A model deposed.
A neurologist unnerved.
A Poker Player discarded.
A conjuror disillusioned.
A Moonie dissected.
A Chinese waiter disoriented.
A lawyer distorted.
A diplomat disconsolate.
An investment banker distrusted.
A steel worker distempered.
An immunologist disinfected.
A chef distasteful.
A cowboy deranged.
A skirtmaker depleted.
A bully demeaned.
A statistician discounted or disfigured.
A butcher disjointed or delivered.
An actor displayed or departed.
A horseman derided or unbridled.
A sorcerer dispelled or disenchanted.
A tennis player unloved or defaulted.
A banker discredited or disinterested.
A hairdresser distressed or unlocked.
An electrician delighted or discharged.
A musician denoted, disbarred, disbanded, decomposed, or disconcerted.
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