HAPPY NEW YEAR



Afghan ---Saale Nao Mubbarak
Afrikaans ---Gelukkige nuwe jaar
Albanian ---GezuarVitin e Ri
Arabic--- Antum salimoun
Armenian ---Snorhavor Nor Tari
Assyrian ---Sheta Brikhta
Azeri ---Yeni Iliniz Mubarek!
Bengali ---Shuvo Nabo Barsho
Cambodian ---Soursdey Chhnam Tmei
Catalan ---FELIÇ ANY NOU
Chinese ---Chu Shen Tan / Xin Nian Kuai Le
Corsican Language ---Pace e Salute
Croatian ---Sretna Nova godina!
Cymraeg (Welsh) ---Blwyddyn Newydd Dda
Czechoslovakia ---Scastny Novy Rok
Danish ---Godt Nytår
Dhivehi ---Ufaaveri Aa Aharakah Edhen
Dutch ---GELUKKIG NIEUWJAAR!
English ---Happy New Year
Eskimo ---Kiortame pivdluaritlo
Esperanto ---Felican Novan Jaron
Estonians ---Head uut aastat!
Ethiopian ---MELKAM ADDIS AMET YIHUNELIWO!
Finnish ---Onnellista Uutta Vuotta
French ---Bonne Annee
Gaelic ---Bliadhna mhath ur
German ---Prosit Neujahr
Greek ---Kenourios Chronos
Gujarati ---Nutan Varshbhinandan
Hawaiian ---Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Hebrew ---L'Shannah Tovah
Hindi ---Nav varsh ka shubkamnayein
Hong Kong (Cantonese) ---Sun Leen Fai Lok
Hungarian ---Boldog Ooy Ayvet
Indonesian ---Selamat Tahun Baru
Iranian ---Saleh now mobarak
Iraqi ---Sanah Jadidah
Irish ---Bliain nua fe mhaise dhuit
Italian ---Felice anno nuovo
Japanese ---Akimashite Omedetto Gozaimasu
Kabyle ---Asegwas Amegaz
Kannada ---Hosa Varushadha Shubhashayagalu
Kisii S---OMWAKA OMOYIA OMUYA
Khmer ---Sua Sdei tfnam tmei
Korea ---Saehae Bock Mani ba deu sei yo!
Kurdish ---NEWROZ PIROZBE
Lithuanian ---Laimingu Naujuju Metu
Laotian ---Sabai dee pee mai
Macedonian ---Srekjna Nova Godina
Malay ---Selamat Tahun Baru
Marathi ---Nveen Varshachy Shubhechcha
Malayalam ---Puthuvatsara Aashamsakal
Maltese ---Is-Sena t- Tajba
Nepal ---Nawa Barsha ko Shuvakamana
Norwegian ---Godt Nyttår
Papua New Guinea ---Nupela yia i go long yu
Pashto ---Nawai Kall Mo Mubarak Shah
Persian ---Saleh now ra tabrik migouyam
Philippines ---Manigong Bagong Taon
Polish ---Szczesliwego Nowego Roku
Portuguese ---Feliz Ano Novo
Punjabi ---Nave sal di mubarakan
Romanian ---AN NOU FERICIT
Russian ---S Novim Godom
Samoa ---Manuia le Tausaga Fou
Serbo-Croatian ---Sretna nova godina
Sindhi ---Nayou Saal Mubbarak Hoje
Singhalese ---Subha Aluth Awrudhak Vewa
Siraiki ---Nawan Saal Shala Mubarak Theevay
Slovak ---A stastlivy Novy Rok
Slovenian ---sreèno novo leto
Somali ---Iyo Sanad Cusub Oo Fiican!
Spanish ---Feliz Ano ~Nuevo
Swahili ---Heri Za Mwaka Mpyaº
Swedish ---GOTT NYTT ÅR! /Gott nytt år!
Sudanese ---Warsa Enggal
Tamil ---Eniya Puthandu Nalvazhthukkal
Telegu ---Noothana samvatsara shubhakankshalu
Thai ---Sawadee Pee Mai
Turkish ---Yiliniz Kutlu Olsun
Ukrainian ---Shchastlyvoho Novoho Roku
Urdu ---Naya Saal Mubbarak Ho
Vietnamese ---Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Uzbek ---Yangi Yil Bilan

MTTO
(More thoughts that occurred)


We could all save ourselves a lot of time, heartache, pain and suffering if all politicians had to undergo a screening process that mandated an oral interview before a panel of 12 children (between the ages of 6 and 12) wherein the pols would be evaluated and graded on the basis of honesty, directness and a sense of humor.

When I eat fruits and vegetables, I often wonder how many animals were killed, poisoned or rendered homeless in order to prevent them from eating them before me.

A really good bowl of rice and beans is a really good meal.

How is it possible that the NHL can still maintain that the jury is still out on the negative effects of brain concussions? Are there any positive effects from concussions? Did the commissioner suffer one?

Making a movie all in 3D is a very one-dimensional way of doing things.

Is humor a way of deflecting the truth or a way of revealing it?

Is there anything funny about the previous question?

When I read that some Hollywood studio was releasing a movie called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter--- I still didn’t believe it.

…until I looked it up and read the synopsis: President Lincoln's mother is killed by a supernatural creature, which fuels his passion to crush vampires and their slave-owning helpers. It is now official, the entire culture has “jumped the shark”.

I have never seen Gone with the Wind all the way through without dozing off…in fact I’ve never made it past the first twenty minutes. I don’t know what it is, but I suspect there is something about the old Technicolor process combined with that maudlin score and fake southern accents that acts like a sedative on my nervous system.

I have been thinking about trying Yoga for years and intend to continue thinking about it for many years to come.

Do the Homeland security/airport security folks really believe it’s actually possible to make a bomb out of a few ounces of shampoo? And if so, would it be activated by a hair trigger? Sorry, couldn’t help it.

Did you know?... that Stevie Wonder wrote the music for Tears of a Clown? And recorded the entire track before there was a single word of lyric? Wonder asked Smokey Robinson if he would like to put lyrics to it. Go to Daryl Hall’s very cool website: www.livefromdarylshouse.com and you can hear that whole story straight from Smokey…and check out the rest…it’s a very musical and down homey blast.

I rarely anymore think: “ I wish I was….”.
And I much more frequently think “ I’m glad I'm not…”

Making a conscious effort to be conscious of when you’re not being conscious is a sure-fire way to remain conscious of how un-conscious you are.

Remember R. D. Laing? Remember those clever little word game riddles and poems he called Knots? Remember how glib and annoying they were?
Well, the previous item reminds me of that…and now I wish I hadn’t written it.

New Year’s resolution: Despite the ease with which I can post something here and then go back at any time to edit or amend it, I will resist the urge and henceforth let my sleeping dogs lie.

…memo to self: go back and lose the inapt metaphor in the above.


We tend to regard something as “original” when we neglect/cease to acknowledge or remember the influences that led to it –and “originality” is really a knack for disguising or dissolving the connection between influence and reinterpretation.
Case in point…I only thought of this because I was reading obituary on Helen Frankenthaler which mentioned her relationship with Clement Greenberg who I subsequently looked up and found something that he said that is virtually the same thought as the “original” one I had above.

Many years ago there was a series on PBS (imported from England) called Connections with James Burke. Great stuff and all about history of technology and the endless stream of connections that tie everything together.

Some musical cases in point…

First…Rufus Thomas




The Rolling Stones.


Big Mama Thornton…with a young Buddy Guy


And whatsissname



Whoever is running the Obama e-mail campaign has got to stop trying to make us believe that we are friends with the First Family and that with a donation of 3 dollars we would be welcome as their dinner guests. It’s demeaning, immature, insincere, and for those of us who would love to get a big hug from Michelle ….heartbreaking.

SOME TIME IN TIMES SQUARE.



I work in the Times Square area of Manhattan and I’ve become somewhat immune to the sensory overload that is the hallmark of this quintessentially American dreamscape of capitalist commerce and entertainment in all its garish grandeur. But at this time of year, even an old vet like me (who went to High School right smack dab in the middle of it all) can’t hide or insulate himself from the deluge. The 24/7 circus of international humanity bustling along the streets under the glare of hundreds of post-neon backlit digital displays reflected many times over in the tinted glass windows of gleaming towers creates a surreal landscape of Blade Runner proportions.


The deli where I get my coffee and occasional morning bagel. I overhear eager and sometimes hopeless attempts at communication in multiple languages and dialects that have the counter cooks and cashiers both frustrated and amused as they try to comply with orders from people who are endlessly pointing, gesturing and searching for the right words to clarify their desires. The mostly latino and asian staff are good natured and patient and I often get involved in trying to assist both parties in this comic multi-lingual improvisation.

In a similar place across the street, the tables are packed with tourists of all ages—families are often represented by three generations with the grandparents sitting with the grandchildren as the middle generation stands before the long counter trying to interpret the menu signs and understand a protocol that is entirely foreign to them.

Scenes like this go on in dozens of establishments all up and down Broadway and 7th Ave…and continue throughout the day and long into the evening as the size of the crowd never seems to vary—remaining at a density that is at least triple what it is at any other time of the year.



At Rockefeller Center, the main attraction of the annual Xmas Tree and the Skating Rink below pulls throngs through all the side streets where cars sit for twenty minutes or more between avenues. And as they inch along traffic cops blow whistles and signal drivers to take detours in order to speed up the glacial flow. Some afternoons I just stroll around the neighborhood and watch and listen. On Wednesdays, the Broadway Theatre matinee crowd takes over. Eager faces of families with children waiting to get into Wicked gather just outside my building. Scalpers looking like throwbacks from the days of Damon Runyon and Guys and Dolls bark out their riffs: “Anyone need tickets?” or “Anyone got Tickets?” and the parking garage attendants stand on the street waving sticks with red flags letting drivers know that there is still room in their garages for more.

It’s Times Square. It’s New York City. It’s the Holiday Season. And for so many of these people it’s a trip to a place they’ve dreamed about and thought about and heard about all their lives…and now they’re here and they’re soaking up every last sweet and sour ounce of it...

...While I’m just taking a short break from my daily dutiful routine at work.

Cool short video

Nostradamus wrote his “predictions” in four-line verses (quatrains) and published them in groups of 100. I’ve read a few and it’s like bad Bob Dylan. For example:

The year 1999 seven months,

From the sky will come the great King of Terror.

To resuscitate the great king of the Mongols.
Before and after Mars reigns by good luck.

However, after John F. Kennedy Jr., his wife Carolyn Bessette and sister Lauren, were killed in a plane crash on July 18, 1999, the “retroprophets” shoehorned the event to fit the "prophecy."

I say, if you’re gonna make a prediction, come right out with it, put your money where your mouth is—and if you don’t have any money, then stake your blogging reputation on it— so, I bravely bring you my….




The GOP will nominate an ambitious and dissembling man or woman of dubious distinction as their candidate for the Presidency.

The NCAA will approve a new regulation requiring the installation of 24/7 security cameras in all locker rooms and Shower areas. At some point thereafter, someone will leak a copy of a tape to the press and all America will finally get to see what “horseplay” looks like.

The Euro will collapse, dozens of French, British and Spanish banks will fail, Greece will give up entirely, unemployment will rise, police violence will intensify as street demonstrations become commonplace, Paris and Rome will be converted into Rudeness and Religious theme Parks respectively and no one will miss a single siesta.

Sarah Palin will fade from the political scene, undergo a sex change operation and become a professional wrestler performing under the name of The Alaskan Avenger. In a record setting Pay-per-View telecast she will defeat two other WWE contenders: Newt (The Decency-Destroyer) Gingrich and Rick (The Judas of Justice) Perry.

Every major studio motion picture or television production will credit Steven Spielberg as an Executive Producer except those produced and shot in North Korea.

A half-hour scripted comedy called “ Don’t Panic” created by two unknown writers from NY will be picked up by a major network and become the surprise hit show of the year.

The total number of registered users on Facebook will exceed the total number of people on the planet. This will be explained by company CEO Mark Zuckerberg as a result of the fact that over 36% of Facebook users have multiple personalities.

Brooklyn NY will commence construction of an elevated parking garage that will cover the entire borough in order to accommodate the 3 million additional people entering the borough every day to check out new sports teams, avant-garde art, music, theatre, West African coffee, Costa Rican Tequila and imported Pago Pago persimmon popovers.

No one will be able to find a Taxi in mid-town Manhattan on Weekdays between the hours of 7am and 11:30 pm.

A Broadway musical will be produced based on the life of Oprah Winfrey, starring Oprah Winfrey, created, directed and produced by Oprah Winfrey and 50% of the profits will be donated to The Oprah Winfrey Foundation to benefit the beneficiaries of The Oprah Winfrey Foundation. Average ticket price will be $500. But 25 seats for each performance will be available to disadvantaged theatre lovers who will qualify by lottery for a chance to purchase an obstructed view seat at half price.

Every old non-flat screen television in America will be collected by a special federal government task force and then shipped to various trouble spots around the world—where they will be hooked up to a dedicated Satellite network that shows only Fox News, Nascar Races, World Wrestling Entertainment, Southern Evangelical programming, The Yule Log and Wheel of Fortune. By end of year, all wars will have ceased and worldwide obesity will increase by 7,000%.

There will be no music played on the radio composed before the year 1950. Early Rock & Roll will be called Baroque, 60’s rock will be called Classical, 70’s and 80’s Disco will be called Neo-Romantic, Punk will be called Early Modern, Blues and Country will be Roots and Gregorian respectively, Hip-Hop will be called Pop, R&B will be called Bedroom Beat (and will not include anything Rhythmic or Blusey) and Jazz won’t be mentioned at all.

Hot Dogs made from a combination of the pancreas and placenta of female Peruvian Llamas will be all the rage—and will sell for $20 per at chic restaurants in NY and LA.

Gail Collins will be credited with a journalistic World Record in The Guinness Book for mentioning Mitt Romney’s “dog on the roof of the car” adventure for the 288th time in her NY Times Column.

The US will send 25 million Segways to China to alleviate their traffic congestion, and in return China will send us 750 million Plaster of Paris models of The Statue of Liberty, Mount Rushmore, and John Wayne to jumpstart our tourist economy.

Richard Branson, Madonna and Bono will combine their talents in a world-wide fund-raising crusade to end war and poverty in the world. They will record a new updated version of: We are The World and only change the “We are” to “I am”.

All three of the above will perish in Branson's Hot Air Balloon when they are mistaken for a military aircraft and shot down by an Israeli defense missile while tossing free CDs over Palestinian refugee camp. Paul McCartney will be granted permanent title to all property (intellectual and otherwise) formerly owned by the other three which then makes him the richest left handed bass playing vegan on the planet.

The Social Security Administration will be taken over by Amazon.com. At retirement age one will simply register online with “One-Click” and receive monthly retirement benefits in the form of online coupons good for redemption on any Amazon product or service. An option for receiving benefits in cash will be available after filling out a seventy four page questionnaire about your personal preferences in music, literature, home furnishings, hobbies, electronics etc.

A major Airline will institute new FAST FLY program. For an additional fee, passengers will be able to bypass all security checks and clearances by transferring title of either home, car, or death benefit such as ones life insurance policy (as long as it exceeds half a million dollars) to the airline. FAST-FLY passengers will also be able to board early, enjoy a complimentary beverage (non-alcoholic) and spend up to 15 seconds of “Photo-Op- Face-Time” with the Flight crew.

An American car company will introduce an all-electric car that never needs gas, oil or any service maintenance. However, the battery will weigh 17 tons and the car will average approx 14 miles before requiring recharge. It will popular on golf courses and suburban senior citizen villages.

The #1 bestseller of the year will be: “How I Got Rich, Famous and Thin In Less Time Than it Took For You To Read This Title.”

Our vacation house in the Springs will still not be finished.

THE HAPPY STORY OF HANUKKAH

For children of all ages.


A long time ago in a place called Judea there lived many people, some followed Jewish law and tradition and some followed Greek law and tradition. Some of the Jews, mostly the rich ones, wanted to be more like the Greeks. And some other Jews wanted to stick to the way things were under Jewish tradition.
When a man named Antiochus became ruler of the the area, the Jewish High Priest was a man named Onias III. Antiochus treated Onias as just a man who paid money to have his special job. One day, Onias’ brother Jason, gives Antiochus a lot of money so he can become High Priest instead of his brother. And when Jason gets the job he changes some of the rules and makes a lot of money until another guy named Menelaus comes along and he gives Antiochus a lot of money and he becomes High Priest in place of Jason. Menelaus wants to keep his new job so he kills Onias. Then Menelaus' brother Lysimachus steals holy vessels from the Jewish Temple, causing riots and Lysimachus’ is killed by the rioters. Menelaus is arrested but pays a lot of money to get out of trouble. Jason (remember Jason?) gets rid of Menelaus and becomes High Priest again. Antiochus gets really mad because he doesn’t like all the confusion and not being in charge of everything and everyone, so he destroys the Temple, and tells the Jews that they can’t be Jews anymore and that they have to change the way they live. From now on they will have to eat the meat of pigs (like everyone else does) and they have to stop cutting the skin off the top of the penises on their boy babies. A lot of the Jews refuse to eat pig and they are killed. And others who keep cutting the skin off penises are killed too. Pretty soon, things get out of hand. Another Jewish priest named Mattathias, decides to fight against Antiochus and he rounds up a lot of other Jews and forms an army. Mattathias kills a Jew who doesn’t agree with him and then has to to go into hiding for a long time and he finally dies and his son Judas Maccabee takes over the army of Jews and goes into battle and beats Antiochus’ army. Maccabees is the word used to describe the fighters in the Jewish army and it comes from the Hebrew word for "hammer".The Maccabees win many battles and one day they enter Jerusalem and clean up the Temple, and bring back the old ways of Jewish worship there and make Jonathan Maccabee the new high priest.
The Jewish festival of Hanukkah celebrates the cleansing of the Temple following Judah Maccabee's victory and the story of how a small jug of oil that was only enough to keep the Menorah lit for one day miraculously lasted for eight days—and that miracle showed that God was looking out for the Jews.
After they won the war and got their temple back, the supporters of the Maccabees fought with each other a lot. Some wanted to go home and live peacefully, and others wanted to keep fighting wars. Those who wanted more war were led by Judah Maccabee. But he died and his brother Jonathan took his place. But then Jonathan was killed by a guy named Diodotus Tryphon, who wanted to be the ruler, but then he died and was replaced by Simon Maccabee, the last remaining son of Mattathias. But then Simon was murdered by his son-in-law Ptolemy, and the new high priest and king was his son John Hyrcanus I. Eventually, a Roman general named Pompey came to the area and took over everything…and another Jewish guy named Herod became king of Israel and king of the Jews. And all the problems started all over again.

In the middle of Stacy Schiff biography of Cleopatra. Fascinating stuff but dry as the Sinai and not easy for a reader lacking previous knowledge of the period. (too flattering by half Cleo portrait on right by Michaelangelo) But just occurred to me today that the story of Hannukah dates back to the same period (about 100 years before Cleo's prime) and involves many of the same political factors and forces. Amidst all the convoluted and complex details in the Schiff narrative, the thing that stands out most is the violence. Ruthless, merciless, common-place and almost incomprehensible to a modern sensibility. Everyone is at risk. Family means nothing. Money and power is all. And the Chanukah story is mainly about a heroic resistance to military might and fiscal corruption. Those Maccabees sure were a tough bunch...and I'm happy to light a candle in their honor--but the more I read the murkier the story gets.

Dr. Rachel Adelman, jewish educator at Hebrew University of Jerusalem, wonders why the Talmud is so thin on the historical facts. " What does the Talmudic legend of Hanukkah tell us about the rabbinic response to the vicissitudes of history? The historical events behind the military victory are not told. There is no mention of insurgencies or despotic decrees. Instead a little cruse of olive oil, sealed with the stamp of the High Priest, becomes the “hero” of the story. The discussion of Hanukkah in the Talmud occupies all of three pages, and is found in the context of laws related to lighting Shabbat candles:

Theodore Herzl Gaster suggests that the Hanukkah story is essentially about the inalienable right to be different. The festival teaches the value of “the few against the many, of the weak against the strong, of passion against indifference, of the single unpopular voice against the thunder of public opinion. The struggle was not only against oppression from without but equally against corruption and complacency within. It was a struggle fought in the wilderness and in the hills; and its symbol is appropriately a small light kindled when the shadows fall.”

On the other hand, David Brooks, in his op-ed in the New York Times (Dec. 10th, 2009), describes Hanukkah as “the most adult of holidays. It commemorates an event in which the good guys did horrible things, the bad guys did good things and in which everybody is flummoxed by insoluble conflicts that remain with us today.” For Brooks, the story of Hanukkah is a “self-congratulatory morality tale,” commemorating a Civil War, a war in which he may have fought on the side of the Hellenizers.

But questions remain: Why repress the historical account, leaving us to piece the puzzle together from ancient Greek texts?

Did the Rabbis feel some discomfort with military victory in the wake of the Jewish Wars? Or is the story too secular and politically problematic for inclusion in a text intended to inspire more spiritual and faith driven thoughts.

I'm a pretty ignorant jew, but now I'm intrigued. Could it be that this was a negligence that had serious consequences throughout history in that it failed to provide the Jewish People with a much needed sense of might and power in the face of threat and oppression?

Oy Vey...guess I'll keep reading...


MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY SEASON SONG, THOUGH IT'S NOT A HOLIDAY SEASON SONG.

Frank Loesser wrote it in 1944. Sang it for years with his wife at parties. Loesser intended song (as indicated specifically on the printed score) to be sung as a conversation between two people, marked as "mouse" and "wolf". Loesser sold rights to the song to MGM in 1948 (to his wife's chagrin) and was used in an Esther Williams movie Neptune's Daughter and it won the Oscar for best song. Recorded many times by many artists, but the one by Ray Charles and Betty Carter from their 1961 Duets album is the classic--and has become a staple of the holiday season, though it was never intended as such.

Ray Charles & Betty Carter - Baby It's Cold Outside - The funniest movie is here. Find it

CHARLIE ROSE AS HAMLET.

How all interviews do inform against me, 

And spur my dull revenge!
What is an interviewer, 

If his chief good and market of his time be but to ask and listen?
A (Brian) Lamb, no more. 

Sure, he that made us with such delusions of discourse, 

Looking before and after, gave us not 

That false sincerity and god-like reason 

To interrupt with furrowed brow.
Now, whether it be 
ignorant oblivion, or some irrelevant digression 

Of thinking too precisely on my influence to secure a table at Nobu, 

A thought which, only in my addled brain hath but one part ego

And ever three parts obsequious weasel I do not know 

Why yet I live to say 'This thing's to do;' 

Seeth? I have Armani ties and airtime and a show with mine name upon it 
To do't. Examples gross as Hollywood starlets exhort me: 

Witness this army of such celebrity and fame

Led by a delicate and tender Charlie, 

Whose spirit with divine ambition puff'd 

Makes mouths at the televised event, 

Exposing what is vacant and unsure 

To all that Larry King, Letterman and Leno dare, 

Even for a dilettante. Rightly to be great 

Is not to stir without great self involvement, 

But greatly to find quarrel in a strawman

When ratings for PBS at the stake.
How stand I then, 

That have a film director coddled, a diplomat stroked, 

Excitements of my unreason and my blood, 

And let all sleep like C-SPAN? while, to my shame,
I see 
The imminent death of twenty million viewers, 

That, for a fantasy and trick of fame, 

Go to their graves like couch potatoes , fight for a plot 

Whereon the Nielson numbers cannot try the cause, 

Which is not tomb enough for Television’s has beens

To hide the shame? O, from this time forth, 

My thoughts be trite or be nothing worth.

2011.

A YEAR IN REVIEW PHOTO AND CAPTION COLLECTION
Cut and pasted from various online sources

click on photos to enlarge


A demonstrator shows his bottom to riot police during a protest by European workers and trade union representatives to demand better job protection in the European Union countries in Brussels on March 24.


A monstrous dust storm (Haboob) roared through Phoenix, Arizona in July.

A before and after shot of Joplin, Missouri after a massive tornado on May 22.


A devotee of the Chinese shrine of Kathu Shrine, pierces his cheeks with power drills during a procession at the Vegetarian Festival on October 4, 2011 in Phuket, Thailand. Participants in the festival perform acts of body piercing as a means of shifting evil spirits from individuals onto themselves and bring the community good luck.

An Indian Muslim bride smiles as other brides pose with their hands adorned with henna art before the start of a mass wedding in Ahmedabad

Paint-splattered police officers look on during clashes outside Top Shop on Oxford Street during marches in protest at government cuts on March 26, 2011 in London, England

An Arctic Tern pecks a man's head as he walks through nesting seabirds on June 25, 2011 on Inner Farne, England. Visitors to the Farne Islands are advised to wear hats to protect themselves from the Terns, who will dive down and attack anyone they perceive as a threat to their nest.

Riot police walk in the street as a young man consoles his girlfriend, who fell amid the chaos, on June 15, 2011 in Vancouver, Canada. Vancouver broke out in riots after their hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks, lost in Game Seven of the Stanley Cup Finals.

An aerial view of Honda vehicles at the flooded Honda factory in the Rojuna Industrial district on November 14, 2011 in Ayutthaya, Thailand.


Cambodian displaced people receive government aid at their shelter in a Buddhist pagoda after fleeing their villages near the 11th-century Preah Vihear temple on the border between Thailand and Cambodia on February 9, 2011. Thailand and Cambodia waged an armed standoff surrounding the 900-year-old temple, causing villagers to flee.


The Nyiragongo Crater in the Democratic Republic of Congo is the world's largest lava lake, one of the wonders of the African continent. The crater bubbles 1,300 feet deep.


A fisherman arranges a net as his wife paddles their boat in the waters of the Periyar river on the outskirts of Kochi, India on January 5, 2011.


The aurora borealis, or northern lights, fill the sky above the Takotna, Alaska checkpoint during the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race on March 9, 2011


Supporters of incumbent President Laurent Gbagbo raise their hands in a show of support at a rally in the Yopougon district of Abidjan, Ivory Coast on January 9, 2011. Gbagbo refused to recognize the results of a long-delayed election that he lost, and a long period of conflict ensued before he was removed from office

A southern Sudanese woman shows her inked finger after voting at a polling center in Khartoum on January 10, 2011. The historic vote created the world's newest nation as South Sudan gained independence.


Tsiuri Kakabadze, 80, performs during the "Super Grandmother and Super Grandfather" contest in Tbilisi on January 5, 2011. Twenty-four participants aged over 70 from all over Georgia competed.


Anti-government protesters celebrate inside Tahrir Square after the announcement that Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak had resigned on February 11, 2011.


Residents bathe amongst tsunami devastation in Kesennuma city in Miyagi prefecture on April 14, 2011.

A BUSY DAY...SO...HERE'S SOME USELESS TRIVIA (UNLESS YOU'RE FLYING A PLANE OR TALKING TO A CUSTOMER SERVICE REP IN INDIA) , AN INTERESTING DEMONSTRATION IN LANGUAGE RECOGNITION, AND A FEW WISE WORDS FROM THE POPE

BDK. (BETCHA DIDN’T KNOW)

I knew alpha and bravo and charlie, and maybe a few others... below are all words (internationally recognized) used to clarify usage of all 26 letters in radio communication.


A alpha
B bravo
C charlie
D delta
E echo
F foxtrot
G golf
H hotel
I india
J juliet
K kilo
L lima
M mike
N november
O oscar
P papa
Q Quebec
R romeo
S Sierra
T tango
U uniform
V victor
W whiskey
X x-ray
Y yankee
Z zulu


How the human mind words

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are witretn, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.



EPISTLE IV
.
..
Take Nature's path, and made Opinion's leave;

All states can reach it and all heads conceive;

Obvious her goods, in no extreme they dwell;

There needs but thinking right, and meaning well;

And mourn our various portions as we please,

Equal is common sense, and common ease.
...

But still this world, so fitted for the knave,

Contents us not. A better shall we have?

A kingdom of the just then let it be:

But first consider how those just agree.

The good must merit God's peculiar care;

But who but God can tell us who they are?
...

'Whatever is, is right.' -- This world, 'tis true,...
...
In parts superior what advantage lies!

Tell, for you can, what is it to be wise?

'Tis but to know how little can be known;

To see all others' faults, and feel our own:

Condem'd in business or in arts to drudge,

Without a second, or without a judge:

Truths would you teach, or save a sinking land?

All fear, none aid you, and few understand.
...

Show'd erring Pride, WHATEVER IS, IS RIGHT;

That Reason, Passion, answer one great aim;

That true Self-love and Social are the same ...

Alexander Pope

Christopher Hitchens

Sometimes he astonished with passionate prose in pursuit of noble truths and causes, and sometimes he tried one’s patience with rhetorical flourishes ornate and self-serving. He was often burdened by a desire to burnish his own reputation for disputation for the sake of earning a livelihood in a world that rewards excess and hyperbole at the expense of deliberation and civility. But he was a learned man and a man who loved to learn. He was a serious scholar and a deeply devoted student of the finest literary traditions. He studied philosophy without becoming a pedant, and studied ideology without becoming an ideologue. He hated tyranny and hypocrisy and loved humor and irony. He thought with his heart and he conceded his faults. He was intolerant of blind faith and blind ambition. He courted favor with those in power, but never with those who abused it. He exposed sacred idols that were false. He argued often simply to stimulate debate for he believed that nothing was indisputable. He also knew that despite the many temptations and seductions that accompany access to power with bully pulpit entitlements-- he was an entertainer, and that there was honor in that too.

"The search for nirvana, like the search for utopia or the end of history or the classless society, is ultimately a futile and dangerous one. It involves, if it does not necessitate, the sleep of reason. There is no escape from anxiety and struggle.

"The only position that leaves me with no cognitive dissonance is atheism. It is not a creed. Death is certain, replacing both the siren-song of Paradise and the dread of Hell. Life on this earth, with all its mystery and beauty and pain, is then to be lived far more intensely: we stumble and get up, we are sad, confident, insecure, feel loneliness and joy and love. There is nothing more; but I want nothing more."

MT(Mother Teresa) was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. She said that suffering was a gift from God. She spent her life opposing the only known cure for poverty, which is the empowerment of women and the emancipation of them from a livestock version of compulsory reproduction

The person who is certain, and who claims divine warrant for his certainty, belongs now to the infancy of our species.

Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it.

I try to deny myself any illusions or delusions, and I think that this perhaps entitles me to try and deny the same to others, at least as long as they refuse to keep their fantasies to themselves.

Shun the ‘transcendent’ and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself.

Picture all experts as if they were mammals.

Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity.

Suspect your own motives, and all excuses.

Born Dorothy Rothschild August 22, 1893

Grew up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan

Attended Roman Catholic elementary school at the Convent of the Blessed Sacrament

Was asked to leave following her characterization of the Immaculate Conception as "spontaneous combustion"

Played piano at a dancing school to earn a living

Sold her first poem to Vanity Fair magazine in 1914

In the 1920s alone published some 300 poems and free verses

Short story, "Big Blonde", published in The Bookman magazine, awarded the O. Henry Award as the best short story of 1929

Co-wrote wrote the script for the 1937 film A Star is Born

During 1930s and 1940s, became a vocal advocate for civil liberties and civil rights causes

Reported on the Loyalist cause in Spain for New Masses magazine in 1937

Helped to found the Hollywood Anti-Nazi League in 1936

Served as chair of the Joint Anti-Fascist Rescue Committee.

Organized Project Rescue Ship to transport Loyalist veterans to Mexico

Headed Spanish Children's Relief

Listed as a Communist by the publication Red Channels in 1950

FBI compiled a 1,000-page dossier on her during the McCarthy era.

Placed on the Hollywood blacklist by the movie studio bosses.

Died of a heart attack at the age of 73 in 1967.

In will, bequeathed her estate to the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. foundation.

Following King's death, her estate was passed on to the NAACP.

Her ashes remained unclaimed in her attorney Paul O'Dwyer's filing cabinet, for 17 years

Dorothy Parker RIP


SELECTED POEMS

Theory
Into love and out again, 

Thus I went, and thus I go. 

Spare your voice, and hold your pen-

Well and bitterly I know 

All the songs were ever sung, 

All the words were ever said;

Could it be, when I was young, 

Some one dropped me on my head?

Philosophy
If I should labor through daylight and dark, 

Consecrate, valorous, serious, true, 

Then on the world I may blazon my mark; 

And what if I don't, and what if I do?

Fighting Words
Say my love is easy had,
Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad-
Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue-
Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
And I get me another man!

Bohemia
Authors and actors and artists and such
Never know nothing, and never know much.
Sculptors and singers and those of their kidney
Tell their affairs from Seattle to Sydney.
Playwrights and poets and such horses' necks
Start off from anywhere, end up at sex.
Diarists, critics, and similar roe
Never say nothing, and never say no.
People Who Do Things exceed my endurance;
God, for a man that solicits insurance!

The Flaw in Paganism
Drink and dance and laugh and lie,
Love, the reeling midnight through,
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)

The Veteran
When I was young and bold and strong,
Oh, right was right, and wrong was wrong!
My plume on high, my flag unfurled,
I rode away to right the world.
"Come out, you dogs, and fight!" said I,
And wept there was but once to die.

But I am old; and good and bad
Are woven in a crazy plaid.
I sit and say, "The world is so;
And he is wise who lets it go.
A battle lost, a battle won-
The difference is small, my son."

Inertia rides and riddles me;
The which is called Philosophy.

NOTES FROM THE CLIENT ON THE FIRST DRAFT

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Gotta be more inclusive. Use “The holiday season” 

my true love sent to me
nobody talks like this. Maybe “my bitch’? Use your judgement.
Twelve drummers drumming,
Redundant. How bout “banging”? Make it sexier.
Eleven pipers piping
see previous
Ten lords a-leaping
too British. Won’t play outside NYC.
Nine ladies dancing
how bout 9 luscious lap dancers?

Eight maids a-milking
This is good. Think anyone’ll get it?
Seven swans a-swimming
Edgier, edgier!!!

Six geese a-laying
why Geese? 

Five gold rings
Don’t get it. 

Four calling birds
lose this one. 

Three French hens
Three toad eating euro trash …something like that. 

Two turtle doves
Way too soft. 

And a partridge in a pear tree!
what the fuck is this?

TUESDAY HODGE PODGE

Fun Read for Language Lovers:

Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory --
by Roy Blount Jr.

FFT

Good health simply provides the slowest rate of speed toward death.

To understand a country, you can study its economic data and demographic statistics. Or you can collect its jokes...

A friend of mine (S. Lipton) once said that he didn’t vote because “…that only encourages them…”

My right honorable former colleague and favorite blogger (teddyvegas.blogspot.com) once whiled away many a weekend sitting on a bench in Central Park with a sign that read: FREE ADVICE. Never saw him in action, but always thought that the idea alone was inspired, and probably was as entertaining for him as it was for his lucky advisees.

Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least. - Lord Chesterfield

FAQ for Dogs

Who's a good girl?
What’s that you got?
Where were you?
Who’s hungry?
Where did you put it?
Why didn’t you answer me?
Where’s the rest of that?
Where's your mommy?
Aren’t you sweet?
Have you been bad?
Wanna go out?
Wanna treat?
Another?



From Hendrik Hertzberg in The New Yorker on Newt Gingrich

"Now, after being written off as an unpleasant relic of the mid-nineties, he can plausibly imagine himself behind a desk in the Oval Office. Can you? Go on. Imagine it.

As the protagonist of the tale, imagine, if you will, a man who, as Speaker of the House, orchestrates the impeachment of a President for an adulterous affair with a White House aide twenty-six years his junior while he himself is conducting an adulterous affair with a congressional aide twenty-two years his junior, having earlier left the first of his three wives while she was hospitalized with cancer.

Imagine a man who attributes these behaviors to “how passionately I felt about this country.”

Imagine a man who, told he can’t sit in a front section of Air Force One, shuts down the government.

Imagine a man who becomes the only House Speaker ever to be disciplined for ethics violations."

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/talk/comment/2011/12/19/111219taco_talk_hertzberg#ixzz1gKrXHdUU

NEW AGE NAMES FOR AGE OLD PROBLEMS

We didn’t scam anyone; we just had PMR. (Profit maximization response)

It’s not that we don’t hustle; we just have ADDD. (Attention to defense deficit disorder)

He’s not racist; he just has a chronic MCCC. (Multi-cultural complexion complex)

Tea Partiers don’t lie; they’re just victims of IID. (Innate intellectual dissimulation)

The Middle East isn’t anti-democratic; they just have IMED. (Islamic male electoral dysfunction)

AND A FEW JOKES...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said, "Wouldn't telling you defeat the purpose?"

Q: Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
A: He wanted to get a long, little doggy.

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to scream:
"Shouldn't! Couldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
I turned to the doctor, "What’s she talking about?”
And the doctor calmly replied, "Nothing. Just the normal contractions."

SIGN IN STORE WINDOW

We don’t take personal checks because...
1, We don’t know you
2. We know you.

Finally figured out what was buggin me about Occupy Wall Street ...

...cause I’m naturally inclined to side with the underdogs and nothing gets my back up more than arrogant bullying, abuse of power, and greed…and yet this entire OWS movement has left me pretty much unmoved and skeptical. And now I think I’ve sniffed out the source of my lack of appetite for this particular protest. And it smells like envy. Yup, I think I sense a resentment and disenchantment that has its origins in a misplaced sense of entitlement. The 1% v. 99% symbolism is a substitute for what is basically the claim that “It’s not fair.”

Cmon. Isn’t it also unfair that people who can’t play an instrument, or sing, or think A Sharp minor is a clever under-aged groupie are the ones making more money in the music business than those who can? But what's music, or capitalism got to do with it?

Capitalism unfair? An essentially unregulated, unscrupulous, winner take all and often fixed competition that crushes and abandons the losers with total disregard for all social/economic/public principles of democratic responsibility and obligation is….unfair? And Greed, the very thing that drives the whole thing, is the problem?

Isn’t that like saying that when a plane crashes, gravity is the problem? And what does the OWS crowd say and chant and demand? An end to greed and capitalism? How’s that gonna happen? Make the wealthy promise to be nice? Less selfish? More generous? And what would that actually look like? “ Hey, you folks, we’re sorry you got screwed, so how bout you join us and do some odd jobs around the house and we’ll toss you some loose change, or maybe even put you on the payroll and then you too can be…." What? Like them? They're thieves, and crooks, and cheats, and liars, and worst of all, they don't like to share. Reminds me of the Woody Allen bit about the restaurant where the food is horrible, and the portions are too small.

“Unfair” is a pretty weak argument against anyone who hasn’t the least interest in fairness. And particularly in any argument that purports to be addressing legitimate issues of class discrimination, equal opportunity or justice.It’s not the folks on Wall Street who are responsible…it’s the folks who pretend to be the ones protecting us from the folks on Wall Street. And the reason they’re pretending to protect us, instead of really protecting us is cause … they rarely can, and historically speaking more often than not, they couldn't.

“Banks have done more injury to the religion, morality, tranquility, prosperity, and even wealth of the nation than they can have done or ever will do good.”
~John Adams

“The central bank is an institution of the most deadly hostility existing against the Principles and form of our Constitution. I am an Enemy to all banks discounting bills or notes for anything but Coin. If the American People allow private banks to control the issuance of their currency, first by inflation and then by deflation, the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the People of all their Property until their Children will wake up homeless on the continent their Fathers conquered.”
~Thomas Jefferson to Albert Gallatin, 1803.

“History records that the money changers have used every form of abuse, intrigue, deceit, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and its issuance.” ~James Madison

“I have had men watching you for a long time and I am convinced that you have used the funds of the bank to speculate in the breadstuffs of the country. When you won, you divided the profits amongst you, and when you lost, you charged it to the Bank. … You are a den of vipers and thieves.”
~Andrew Jackson, 1834, on closing the Second Bank of the United States

“I have two great enemies, the southern army in front of me and the financial institutions, in the rear. Of the two, the one in the rear is the greatest enemy….. I see in the future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of the war.”
~Abraham Lincoln

“Whosoever controls the volume of money in any country is absolute master of all industry and commerce… And when you realise that the entire system is very easily controlled, one way or another, by a few powerful men at the top, you will not have to be told how periods of inflation and depression originate.”
~James Garfield (assassinated within weeks of release of this statement during first year of his Presidency in 1881)

“Behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people. To destroy this invisible government, to befoul the unholy alliance between corrupt business and corrupt politics is the first task of the statesmanship of the day.”
~Theodore Roosevelt, April 19, 1906

“A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is concentrated in the hands of a few men. We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated governments in the world– no longer a government of free opinion, no longer a government by conviction and vote of the majority, but a government by the opinion and duress of small groups of dominant men.”
~Woodrow Wilson

“We had to struggle with the old enemies of peace-business and financial monopoly, speculation, reckless banking, class antagonism, sectionism, war profiteering. They had begun to consider the Government of the United States as a mere appendage to their own affairs. We know that Government by organized money is just as dangerous as Government by organized mob. Never before in history have these forces been so united against one candidate as they stand today. They are unanimous in their hatred for me – and I welcome their hatred. I should like to have it said of my first administration that in it the forces of selfishness and of lust for power met their match. I should like to have it said of my second administration that in it these forces met their master.”
~Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Speech at Madison Square Garden

“All problems, depressions, wars, disasters, assassinations, all of them were planned, caused, instigated, and implemented by the International Bankers and their attempt to establish a central bank in every country in the world, which they have now done, thanks to corrupt politicians who have been bought and paid for. This is all you need to know about the history of the world.”
~John F. Kennedy

ODE TO A PHONE.


I just bought a smart phone and filled it with apps
So I could be smart like the rest
But so far it’s turning
my life upside down
And with new monthly fees, that’s no jest

I’m no smarter at calling my friends or my wife
Nor much wiser for voice recognition
Where once in my head
I was filled with ideas
now I stare at a screen in submission

If scrolling through options aligned on my screen
has raised my intelligence quotient
it’s sure news to me
cause I’m scrolling away
and my thoughts don’t seem any more potent

I guess I’ll get used to those twitter alerts
While walking the dog or commuting
And wherever I roam
in groups or alone
Even shitting I’ll still be computing.

Yes it sure seems to me that it’s better by far
To be wired to all anytime
Cause you just never know
when someone will say “Yo!
Check out the poem I wrote, it’s online.!”

THOUGHTS THAT OCCURRED





Comforts are comforting. Luxuries are not.

Money isn’t power. It’s money.

Life is short, though it’s the longest thing we’ll ever know.

Whatever the thing is, the most expensive one and the cheapest one are both bad values.

(Heard in the play about Afganistan War : Blood and Gifts)
Great men are generally bad men.

Famous people are often so because that’s what they work at.

Sanity can be measured as the distance between who you are and who you think you are.

The harder it is to remember the name of someone you bump into who you sorta/should know, the more likely it is that they will repeatedly demonstrate that they know yours.

There are no guilty pleasures. Something is either a pleasure or it’s not…and if it promotes guilt, then where’s the pleasure?

The longer it takes for your waiter to describe a particular menu item, the smaller the size of the dish.

Trains are the most efficient, comfortable, speedy, economical and civilized means of public transportation, which explains why they are practically extinct in America.

You don’t have a right to be heard unless you’re willing to listen. DO YOU HEAR ME?

“Life isn’t Fair” is the simplest explanation for the 99% v. 1% socio-economic dilemma.

If it’s really bad music, there’s a good chance the Bar/Restaurant is playing it loud.

If it’s good music, there’s a good chance the Bar/Restaurant is playing it so low that it sounds like bad music.

The noisier the restaurant, the more likely it is that your waiter will make a mistake on the bill.

Can anyone doubt anymore the truth to the saying; “ In America, anyone can become President.”

Keith Richards is proof that if you live outside the establishment but have the money to buy them off, you become an even bigger establishment.

Keith Richards became a Junkie in order to forget…and then wrote a 565 page book of memories.

You can live without just about anything except hope.

Learning to love and loving to learn are interdependent.

Ultimately, everything you own is a rental.

The more you ponder the mysteries of the universe, the harder it is to do your paperwork at the office.

Had to post something today...just to get Keef's face off page one.


The early Greeks wrote in boustrophedon style (translated: As the ox plows the field…alternating lines left to right with right to left…

Like the Greeks, first read forwards and then
nehw ,dne eht litnu sdrawkcab ot hctiwS
You'll have learned how to read
deeps avulleh eno tA
And to alternate lines that you pen.


BTW...Just had to share this ...
cause I'm feeling so proud and special about it. I got this e-mail from Michelle Obama this morning (The Subject: Richard, I want to meet you) and I'm really excited about it, even though I'm not sure why she picked me! Here’s what she said in her personal note

Richard --

I'm excited for the chance to meet you and whoever you decide to bring to dinner.

I really hope you give this a shot.

Give $3 or whatever you can to be automatically entered for you and a guest to have dinner with Barack and me:

https://donate.barackobama.com/Dinner-With-Us

Hope to see you soon,

Michelle

I assume the request for the 3 bucks and the chance to enter stuff is some kind of legal requirement, but it's clear she wants to see me. Do you think I should bring Ellen, or go alone? I mean, if Michelle really has this thing for me, I don't want anyone to cramp my style.

COOKING WITH KEITH

Been reading Keith Richards Book, Life. Not done yet, but I was astonished at the glaring absence of any mention of his gastronomic talents and innovations. So I called his publisher, who agreed to share with me (in exchange for my promise of promoting the book on my heavily trafficked blog) some pages that were edited out of the book. . So here’s what they sent me…in “Keef’s” own words.

“Don’t remember if it was in Monte Carlo after the smashup in the Mercedes when I let the donkey drive while I was busy trying to scoop up all the coke that fell out of the glove box or maybe it was just after I ate a bit too many of those blue pills that I nicked from the Sicilian Olive Oil heir who ended up in the Amazon somewhere trying to be some modern day Kurtz from Heart of Darkness…but that’s a different story, cause what I do remember is that for like maybe a few months (though it could have been a few years, it was a weird period) I got hooked on cooking.

And when I got my mojo workin in that fuckin huge ancient kitchen in that French castle we rented from that guy who was selling guns to the Khmer Rouge, I was like Julia Child’s evil twin layin down a reign of terror on the orthodox church of gastronomic hypocricy. I mean, the shit I was cooking up during that wild period (during which I think I maybe slept a total of 45 minutes total the whole time) was out of the realm of anything you could or will ever find in any restaurant on the planet, I don’t even know if the shit was even legal to serve.

But that’s how I was doin the music too, just divin in and divin down as deep as I can go, and when I think I gotta come up for air, that’s when I dive down even deeper cause if you’re worrying about shit like ‘how’m I gonna breathe?’ or some straight world fear like that then you ain’t gonna find out nothing you already didn’t know and so why the fuck even put yourself in that position in the first place?

So I made it my mission to take over the kitchen duties for the mongrel horde of like a hundred fuckin people livin in that madhouse of a mansion, and I did it like Robert Johnson would do it…I went to that crossroads and followed that devil and didn’t look back. First thing I did was totally re-rig this huge stove. Now I know that fancy chefs who’ve been to fancy chef schools and shit like to have these big friggin stoves with all these burners goin at the same time cookin up all these different things at different temperatures and that’s ok, I can see that way of doin things—but that wasn’t my way. What I had in mind was something more pure without all that stuff that gets in the way when you’ve been brainwashed with all that formal training.

So I tore that stove up. I pulled out all those tubes and burners and set it up to be one big burner with just one knob. I was going for the heart of what that stove could do…I was gonna put all that power into one pot. It was like my guitar…when I realized I had these six strings all tuned to different notes that didn’t go together and made you have to think till you got your brains all knotted up trying to intellectualize this thing that is really just about what’s in your soul..that’s when I said “fuck this shit—that’s not what music is!” and that’s what happened with the cooking thing too.

See, I never went for that thinkin where just because you ate meat a certain way all your life, or you used certain parts of them and not other parts…like, it’s all just dumb goin along with what everyone else is doin and not thinkin it through for yourself. So now I’m startin to have a vision for this new way to cook and first thing I do is I take all those low E strings that I took off all my guitars when I went to the five string open G tuning and I looped them all together till I had this long strong wire that I could use to tie all those burners together and produce one monster burner with one fuckin nasty flame that would cook everything together in one big soulful stew.

I must have gone four straight days and nights riggin that thing till it suddenly occurs to me that I had to come up with a new riff for this song we owed the record company—so I leave the stove and go back down to the basement studio and start workin on the riff when I hear this fuckin thunder and the whole goddamn house starts shaking and shifting like some earthquake hit us, which is what I thought until it then occurs to me that maybe I left the stove gas goin cause I was pretty much out of it by this time and basically just running on the fumes of four days of pure heroin (and some coke for keeping awake) and a couple of handfuls every few hours of Tuinals and these strange purple pills I got from the Contessa’s chauffer. I later found out that he got them from this Russian Count she was jerkin around with who had them shipped to France from Burma where he knew the royal family that at that time was dealing to anyone who could pay them in cash cause that’s how they paid their military who were always threatening a coup and getting ready to hook up with the Pakistani warlords who kept a stash of heroin the size of the Matterhorn locked up in an underground bunker in a country I'm not at liberty to reveal . But I knew about the bunker cause the Count let us once use it as a studio to record this one track when I was looking for a different kind of echo effect than the one Phil Spector had already done to death on all those Ronettes and Shirelles tunes.

So now I realize that this wasn’t an earthquake and must be the stove, but the fuckin kitchen in that place was like a half a mile from the basement, so I figure if I don’t smell smoke or the fuckin ceiling doesn’t come down on my head, then no fuckin way I’m hauling my skinny ass all the way back up there just to see what the deal is. Turns out, it was the stove, but it wasn’t really my fault. See, at that time we had a whole bunch of Norweigen Au Pairs in the house to look after the babies and the kids and this one chick, she goes to the kitchen to like warm up a baby bottle or something and doesn’t know that I did a re-rig on the stove, so she turns the knob and kaboom. She lost her whole left hand, almost up to her elbow, and her other hand was mostly gone too except for her thumb, which I never figured out how that happened. And the irony is that the only reason she was in the house is cause I hired her after meeting her at this club in Italy where under the table in the VIP section she gave me the best fuckin hand job I ever had. Probably was her last one too…and I kinda felt sorry for her after that. But I paid all the medical bills and I told Allen Klein he should get her something to make up for it, so he got her a brand new hot red Ferrari that cost like over a hundred thousand US, but I always wondered if she ever drove it, considering she didn’t have no more hands and shit.

Anyway, after I rigged the stove I really got busy in that kitchen. I had a couple of guys who worked for us unloading the sucrose bags at the pier that we needed to mix with the pure heroin…and those bags weighed a ton cause the mix is 97% sucrose to 3% heroin, and we we’re going through like a few bags a week by then…anyway, I got those guys to go looking for stuff for me to cook and I told em I didn’t want no supermarket shit or stuff from some butcher shop—I wanted the real deal, live shit that ain’t dead and rotten by the time you stick in the pot.

So they come back with like six or seven fuckin hogs and these huge goats and this other animal that looked like a cross between a Llama and Bob Dylan. It made a sound like Dylan too…this nasal honk. Mick said that sound kept him up all night and gave him nightmares for days till he figured out that that was the sound he was looking for and that’s why he sounds the way he does on most of the Exile on Main Street album.

So now I got hogs and goats and unspecified four legged creatures running all round the place and I gotta figure out how to get them in the stew. That’s when I was glad I had taken all those guns with me when we moved from Spain to France. I had five or six handguns that I used when I was bored in hotels on the road in the States…and I think there’s still this Chicago hotel that has a rug with at least three holes in it that I put there one night when we were partying with the folks from Mayor Daley’s office—who pretty much let us do anything we wanted for a small donation to the reelection campaign. So now that I got the guns and all the hardware set-up, the rest of the recipe just kinda took care of itself. Tossed all those animals into an empty Oil Drum that we got from this guy who was a bit of a pansy, but had a shitload of money from some oil-rig deal that he had with the Turkish government and he also had his own tanker that he kept anchored off-shore beyond the territorial limits, which is why we let him hang around with us because we could go out to that tanker and do whatever the fuck we wanted and no one could touch us, which in those days was something rare considering that we were being hounded day and night by every fucker with a badge who thought he’d get himself famous by bein the guy who nailed the Rolling Stones.

So all this animal meat goes in the pot, and I mean all of it. Heads, tails, feet, fur, nothing wasted, nothing left behind…this wasn’t no watered down shit like you get at some Paris Bistro, this was raw primitive take it to the fuckin limit and don’t look back till your intestines tell you that God made you just like he made every other living thing on this earth and you are a part of it and it’s all a part of you. To this day I can remember thinking when I ate that stew that there really was a God…and that God had given me a chance to see what he was about. And what he was about was all right there in that stew. I think that’s also how we came up with the title Goats head Soup.