Woody's father Jerome passed away on Tuesday.  He was a smart, sharp, witty and warm guy--and never one to prefer a polite nicety if it meant suppressing a pertinent truth.  I'll always have fond memories of sparring with him and parrying his many jabs in conversations that often began with contention and always ended in laughter.  

And as everyone who knew him can attest, he was a sentimental softie at heart. 
I feel like we had much in common and I'm glad I knew him and sad that he's gone.

This is my favorite Monk composition, and to me,  his most beautiful and sorrowful.
And this is the great Howard Morgen--who passed away last year--giving it the kind of care and thoughtful reflection that mirrors my feelings about Jerome. 

The New Neologisms...

...Just another Monday morning  blamestorming with the  nanomanager conducting the standard  evacipation  concerning latest debacle while the  mouse potatoes  nod in agreement and the  intoleristas sit silently pondering a palace coup.  So I igmore them and almuch finish Friday's crossword. 

blamestorming v. A group of individuals exercising their collective right to avoid responsibility.  nanomanager A micromanager in extremis. Usually a fast tracker who regards all other humans as  speed bumps.  evacipate v. To undo the consequences of your actions by changing the narrative of the original circumstances.  mouse potato n. A purveyor of assorted data and info. generated by software programs designed to prevent the infusion of common sense.  intoleristas n. Vocal advocates of openness, diversity, and tolerance, but in practice viciously opposed to any ideas that conflict with their own. igmore v. To igmore is to continue to ignore. For example: "I ignored her, but she kept talking, so I igmored her" almuch adv. Less than almost, but pretty darn close.  And the Old... Rock Group: Tommy J. and the Neologists Tommy J. (with bandmates right) penned over a hundred additions to the language. And twas he who first used  "neologize"( from the Greek for "new" and "word") itself.  In a letter to a grammarian in 1813-- "Necessity obliges us to neologize," he wrote. And in a letter to John Adams in 1820:  "I am a great friend to neology. It is the only way to give to a language copiousness and euphony."  And Sally Hemmings' master/owner/lover  beat Austin Powers to "shag"  (a "copulatory verb" ?)  first  employing it in 1770.  He also gets credit for the more refined   "lengthily," "belittle," "electioneering," and "indecipherable."  G. (Pops) Washington was the first to use "administration" to refer to a presidential term of office, and Rough Rider Teddy  contributed his share with "Bully Pulpit", "lunatic fringe," "mollycoddle," "weasel words," and "muckraker."  Which leaves Honest Abe to bring up the rear...and discovering that the "Grace under Pressure" master was  was the first to use the word ‘cool,’ meaning, ‘Hey, that’s cool!--is  pretty cool.  Sultan of Swat greets Titan of Teapot Dome.  1923 Non members of the Black Hills of Dakota quartet had their moments too.. John Adams gave us "caucus," as in a private meeting of politicians in an interest group, and James Madison in 1788 was the first to record the word "squatter" as someone who settles on land without title to it. Seems the Founding Fathers were keeping those quills quivering with quips , but they weren't the "Founding Fathers" until the dissolute and reluctant crook in chief Warren G. Harding:  ( "I am not fit for this office and should never have been here.") invented that term in 1918. Prior to that, they were usually referred to as the "Framers".  But lets not neglect the living, for it was George W. Bush  who gave us  "misunderestimate" and "embetter"--and those may outlast all the rest in the "anals" of history.

Colorful Quotables on 

Art & Science. 

“B-but, Mr Jimson, I w-want to be an artist.'
'Of course you do,' I said, 'everybody does once. But they get over it, thank God, like the measles and the chickenpox. Go home and go to bed and take some hot lemonade and put on three blankets and sweat it out.'
'But Mr J-Jimson, there must be artists.'
'Yes, and lunatics and lepers, but why go and live in an asylum before you're sent for? If you find life a bit dull at home,' I said, 'and want to amuse yourself, put a stick of dynamite in the kitchen fire, or shoot a policeman. You'd get twice the fun at about one-tenth of the risk.” 
― Joyce Cary , The Horse's Mouth

"Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but thats not why we do it."

-- Richard Feynman

“If you want to really hurt your parents,and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” -- Kurt Vonnegut

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but rather "hmm, that's funny.... "Isaac Asimov



“I want to meet a guy named Art. I'd take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.” ― Jarod Kintz






"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr


“Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... now you tell me what you know.” ― 
Groucho Marx

BTW:  I lost my bet-- see previous post.  Seems Google and other search engines have figured out how to thwart the shameless seekers of attention on the web.   The day's numbers did exceed any previous ones, but fell far short of goal I had foreseen.  The wager was for one weeks worth of snacks (max. 3 per day) from Company Kitchen vending machine so not a serious loss. 

Kardashians join new Pope Francis in Cyprus for Mideast peace talks as Hillary and Beyonce team up with Oscar nominees and Google hacking Cyber terrorists whose Scientology records reveal the Winning Powerball Jackpot Numbers disguised as Calorie Counts from Oprah's  Most Effective Weight Loss Program Clinically Proven by God to bring closure to victims of failed Bariatric surgery and Obese NCAA Final Four players convicted of Sexual Assault. 

Sorry for wasting your time (again?) , but I'm hoping to win a bet I made: that with the right headline I could generate more hits here in one day than I've amassed in the year to date. Wish me luck.   I shall return to our regularly scheduled programming next week.

Bibi: Nice speech.

Barack: Thank you.

Bibi: But we still have score to settle.

Barack: Let’s settle it.

Bibi: You say you want a settlement…

Barack: And you say you want settlements.

Bibi:  No settlements, no settlement.

Barack: Then how do we settle it?

Bibi: Iran.

Barack: And you won..

Bibi:  No, I mean Iran.

Barack: Oh.  Iran for settlements?

Bibi: No, just Iran.

Barack: No deal. I was going to take care of Iran anyway.

Bibi: No, we take care of Iran.

Barack: No, no.  We take care of Iran.

Bibi: I’ll flip you for it.  Tails.

Barack: Heads…heads it is.

Bibi:  That settles it then.

Barack:  That settles Iran, what about the settlements?

Bibi:  That’s my business.

Barack: Then we have no settlement?

Bibi:  Settlements yes. Settlement no.  Now give me back my two headed coin. 

THE DRIFTER'S NEW RULES
Sports Edition


(I'm no TeddyVegas.blogspot.com, but this is one man's humble opinion) 

Get rid of DH.  Imagine if half of all NBA teams could bring in a designated free throw shooter for their worst guy?  
Maximum 4 pitchers per team per first nine innings. I want to say 3, but let's start with 4. 
20 seconds between pitches...strictly enforced with visible clock. A violation results in automatic walk if bases empty, or one base advance for any and all base-runners. 
Move the Pitcher's mound back 10 feet (to 70' 6") Sure, they'll never do it (tradition and all), but they did lower the mound from 15" to 10" already --before 1969, mounds often varied in height , LA Dodgers had theirs at 20"!  Never heard Koufax or Drysdale mention that!  But moving it back will reduce injuries to Pitchers on line drives through the box, generate more hits, and the asymmetry of the defense will make for interesting changes that could involve the Pitcher as a more active participant in the defense.  Imagine all the possible new shifts and base covering tactics.
3 time outs per team in Basketball instead of six (in regulation time) 1 additional per team per overtime period. 
Limit Free Throws to only technical fouls.  Fouling lousy free throw shooters just rewards the guilty party (especially now that there is no more 3 to make 2 and 2 to make 1)and makes for interminable final minutes.   A foul should result in the automatic award of one point for the fouled team, plus new possession with reset shot clock.  A backcourt foul would result in 2 points and a flagrant foul 3 points with all accompanied by new possession and reset of shot clock. 
One serve in tennis.  Imagine if golfers were given two tee shots (like I always have to take)  --a free first serve just promotes go for broke sharpshooting  with today's rackets that often produce 30-40 un-returnable aces in a match.  
Use both 3 point lines (Pro & College) with the College line worth 3 points and the NBA line now worth 4.  And all dunks (any basket made when player's hand, wrist, arm makes contact with the rim) worth 1 point.  What you say?  Penalize Dunking?  Yes, The dunk hurts the game and discourages the participation of normal sized players.
If hidden ball trick is allowed, why no fake pickoff to 3rd with runner on first?
Football must be downed in the end zone.  Isn't that why it's called a touchdown? -----no more crossing plane of the line in the air. The entire ball or body with  possession must be down in the end zone.  
Coat the puck in Hockey with iridescent paint or inject it with radium or neon or make it bigger or make it less slippery--whatever it takes so I can see it.  
Any pitch that hits batter in the head or requires batter to avoid being hit in head--results in pitcher's automatic ejection and 10 game suspension.  Seriously now, how else are you gonna stop the madness?
Minimum of 15% of all tickets for all live sporting events must be made available at a cost of no more than 12 dollars, with increases tied to national COL adjustments.  
All stadium parking lots must have at least one exit per 600 vehicles. 
All music, announcements, and other amplified sound in arenas and stadiums must be under 85 Decibels at all times. 
  The Westminster Dog Show must include competitive events.  Frisbee catching? Distance jumping?  Hot-dog eating?  Something.  Anything.

The bark was bigger than his...

Faux Faux and Beyond the Pale. 

In a forehead-slapping development, Neiman Marcus and two other retailers... on Tuesday settled federal claims that they had marketed real fur as fake fur. The supposedly fake stuff was actually rabbit, raccoon and, possibly, dyed mink.

That’s right: it was faux faux fur.

NY Times 3/19/13

Faking fake fur with real fur has to be some kinda  sign-o-the-times.  The notion that someone sensitive to the cruelty to animals issue would also still be desirous of  wearing something that passes for that which they purport to oppose suggests what?  That the faked fake pelt is merely the seller's opportunistic attempt to profit from the fakery exhibited by the buyer? 

Hmmm.  You know, that Veggie Burger I had last night tasted just like top sirloin.  Wonder how they do it. 

Hoping Obama trip to Israel yields something of value, if not in substance then at least in spirit...but I may be crossing my fingers in vain.  This book (I'm only 120 pages in and may fail to finish cause I got the point and may not have stomach for more) may be partly responsible for my pessimism...I quote from an Amazon Reviewer: 

"... Robin Shepherd examines the crucial battle of ideas between non-Muslim westerners that Israel is losing...." "... and influence of the enmity towards Israel among European opinion-formers. During the past decades this animosity has spread from the far left to the mainstream liberal-left..."

".Shepherd identifies the cause as Europe's civilizational exhaustion and its symptoms like the post-Holocaust guilt complex, embrace of pacifism, appeasement and relativism."  

 The phrase "beyond the pale" dates back to the 14th century, when the part of Ireland that was under English rule was delineated by a boundary made of such stakes or fences, and known as the English Pale. To travel outside of that boundary, beyond the pale, was to leave behind all the rules and institutions of English society, which the English modestly considered synonymous with civilization itself.  

I knew there was something I didn't like about the expression.