A new survey by Nielsen shows that 50.4 percent of U.S. mobile phone users now have a smartphone! Only three months ago, the same survey showed 47.8 percent. Mobile devices, particularly smartphones, have become an essential part of our daily lives—* 

*http://www.fieldassignment.com/2012/05/ag-media-mobile-marketing.html

...and I still don't own a smart phone.  
Because...

1. I still don't know how to use my dumb phone.  If you could measure it as a percentage, then I would guess that I'm currently using less than 2% of the features and functions on my current idiot phone.  Which means I'm probably too much the moron to be trusted with any kind of upgrade, let alone one that takes a quantum leap into smart.

2. I don't like using my phone for anything other than phone calls.  "Not even texting?" you ask?  "Especially not texting", I reply.  I haven't yet written one text requiring more than 10 characters without mis-typing at least half of them.  I don't like making mistakes. And I don't like making the same mistakes over and over and over again.  That's why I don't play much golf.  That's why someone else does my taxes.  That's why I stopped having kids.  (That last one is to see if my practically perfect sons are reading this)

You've heard of Dante's Inferno?
This is Drifter's Inferno.

3.  I'm Shopaphobic.  A trip to any store, to purchase anything, for any purpose is anathema to me.  I will shave with the same razor blade for months and suffer countless nicks, cuts, and bloodied shirt collars before conceding defeat and spending 3 minutes at the nearby CVS.**

**(where I could also get a new stick of deodorant to replace the one with the tiny little concave sliver that has been popping off for the last two weeks) 

4.  I want to be alone.  Not all the time mind you, but how bout just a little of it? I work every day with other people, I'm traveling, eating, socializing and in frequent conversation, collaboration and negotiation with other people.  With a smart phone I would be less likely to spend the precious little time left  enjoying the much needed and rejuvenating benefits of peace, quiet and reflection.

5. Size matters.  I'm in awe of the technology that makes it possible to do tens of thousands of things on a device that fits snugly in the palm of my hand. I just don't want to do them. And things I want to do, I want to do on something that doesn't make me feel like Gulliver in Lilliput.  I'm in awe of Ant Farms too, but that doesn't mean I want to live on one.

6.  It's glowing.  That thing in your pocket is glowing!  What's the matter with you? Haven't you ever heard of Madame Curie?  Maybe lightning bugs and phosphorescent fish are benign, but who knows what risks we're running in the name of progress here?  And between the time I spend in front of computer screens and TVs I don't think I need to spend any more time staring at another glowing rectangle. (Thank You Eli for that perfect two word description) 


7. I'm a contrarian by nature.  Like Groucho, "Whatever it is, I'm against it".  

8. I'm a writer.  I can't speak for all of us, but I think most writers are more Luddite than not.  We're people who live in our heads a lot, and we also like words and are often persnickety about how we use them.  Hence, we're the most likely to experience discomfort with things like texting, tweeting, chatting, IM-ing, emoticoms...but not blogging.

9. I'll start when they stop.  I'm done trying to keep up.  No sooner did I get an Apple computer and amass a mountain of software then they went and changed everything.  I've repeated the process 4 times in the last 10 years.  I've learned my lesson.  When they announce the final one, I'll buy it.

10. Speed kills.  Literally and figuratively, I'm convinced of it. Too much, too fast, too easy, its all too seductive and ultimately unsatisfying.  How am I gonna keep my brain cells working if I don't give them a work-out?  If I'm struggling with the cross-word puzzle, I could easily go online and get the answer in seconds--and then what?  I don't want fast answers, I want slow questions.  If it's the journey that counts and not the destination then why go faster?  I knew by the time I got to 10 here I would start getting earnest--so I'm gonna stop, cause I don't believe in the importance of being earnest.