TUESDAY HODGE PODGE

Fun Read for Language Lovers:

Alphabet Juice: The Energies, Gists, and Spirits of Letters, Words, and Combinations Thereof; Their Roots, Bones, Innards, Piths, Pips, and Secret Parts, Tinctures, Tonics, and Essences; With Examples of Their Usage Foul and Savory --
by Roy Blount Jr.

FFT

Good health simply provides the slowest rate of speed toward death.

To understand a country, you can study its economic data and demographic statistics. Or you can collect its jokes...

A friend of mine (S. Lipton) once said that he didn’t vote because “…that only encourages them…”

My right honorable former colleague and favorite blogger (teddyvegas.blogspot.com) once whiled away many a weekend sitting on a bench in Central Park with a sign that read: FREE ADVICE. Never saw him in action, but always thought that the idea alone was inspired, and probably was as entertaining for him as it was for his lucky advisees.

Advice is seldom welcome, and those who need it the most, like it the least. - Lord Chesterfield

FAQ for Dogs

Who's a good girl?
What’s that you got?
Where were you?
Who’s hungry?
Where did you put it?
Why didn’t you answer me?
Where’s the rest of that?
Where's your mommy?
Aren’t you sweet?
Have you been bad?
Wanna go out?
Wanna treat?
Another?



From Hendrik Hertzberg in The New Yorker on Newt Gingrich

"Now, after being written off as an unpleasant relic of the mid-nineties, he can plausibly imagine himself behind a desk in the Oval Office. Can you? Go on. Imagine it.

As the protagonist of the tale, imagine, if you will, a man who, as Speaker of the House, orchestrates the impeachment of a President for an adulterous affair with a White House aide twenty-six years his junior while he himself is conducting an adulterous affair with a congressional aide twenty-two years his junior, having earlier left the first of his three wives while she was hospitalized with cancer.

Imagine a man who attributes these behaviors to “how passionately I felt about this country.”

Imagine a man who, told he can’t sit in a front section of Air Force One, shuts down the government.

Imagine a man who becomes the only House Speaker ever to be disciplined for ethics violations."

Read more http://www.newyorker.com/talk/comment/2011/12/19/111219taco_talk_hertzberg#ixzz1gKrXHdUU

NEW AGE NAMES FOR AGE OLD PROBLEMS

We didn’t scam anyone; we just had PMR. (Profit maximization response)

It’s not that we don’t hustle; we just have ADDD. (Attention to defense deficit disorder)

He’s not racist; he just has a chronic MCCC. (Multi-cultural complexion complex)

Tea Partiers don’t lie; they’re just victims of IID. (Innate intellectual dissimulation)

The Middle East isn’t anti-democratic; they just have IMED. (Islamic male electoral dysfunction)

AND A FEW JOKES...

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said, "Wouldn't telling you defeat the purpose?"

Q: Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
A: He wanted to get a long, little doggy.

My wife was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to scream:
"Shouldn't! Couldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"
I turned to the doctor, "What’s she talking about?”
And the doctor calmly replied, "Nothing. Just the normal contractions."

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