Survey says….

Just got off the phone with an independent (so she said ) market researcher who asked if I’d be willing to answer a few questions about current political and economic issues…and it didn’t take long before I realized what was cookin…it started benignly ( albeit inanely) with questions like:

In general, are you pleased with the direction of our nation?

Which issues are most important for the U.S. Senate to focus on this year?

Do you believe that raising taxes will have a positive effect on our fragile economy?

Whoops…how did that “fragile” get into an “non-partisan” survey?

And before I could say “Independent market research my ass…” she was off and running with questions so stunningly partisan I had to stop her a few times and ask her to repeat herself slowly (very slowly, cause I was trying to write some of them down) and here’s some highlights:

Do you support an in-depth audit of the Democrats' $789 billion stimulus package to find out where your tax dollars went?

Are you in favor of unionizing Department of Homeland Security personnel such as airport screeners who could endanger our national security or bring commerce and travel in our country to a standstill if they strike?

Do you believe President Obama's foreign policies have strengthened the resolve of those who seek to do us harm?

Are you in favor of a new federal government bureaucracy to act as the "single payer" of all healthcare expenses?

Do you support allowing scientists to "manufacture" and destroy human embryos for the purpose of extracting stem cells for research?

Do you believe Republican candidates do best when they promote our core principles of lower taxes, smaller government and a strong, proud America?

I got so tired of saying ( as she get tired of hearing) “That’s a loaded question—I won’t answer it.” (and that's the nicest answer I had) --that we called it quits after I tried in vain to extract some information regarding who was the brains behind the bullshit. Only consolation was that she said many respondents had also declined to answer many questions. I was tempted to vent some steam but decided it probably wouldn’t faze her a bit (she actually sounded a bit embarrassed and I even felt sorry for her since she was just doing her job and didn’t sound the least bit interested in anything I might have to add that wasn't a direct answer to a survey question) and would most likely go unrecorded anyway.





I'm still kinda hot about that call. Wish I coulda found out who was behind it, but really, does it matter? Like once I find out I'm gonna do...what?




Ellen and I watched HBO movie Game Change about Sarah Palin and the McCain campaign. Pretty good. Mostly smart and believable dialogue, good cast, crisply put together. And about halfway through I'm feeling sympathetic to the McCain staffers who are suffering mightily from the consequences of their hasty and ill-considered choice of Veep candidate. And then it dawns on me that these poor saps are the real bad guys. Palin may be an ignorant, self-involved, opportunistic hypocrite and phony through and through, but the folks who put her in the game are something even worse. They are the total cynics who cheered her when she played the part, stuck to the script and fooled the public (and the media) and then panicked and punted when she went "rogue" and revealed her true colors. The whole game is debasing any way you slice it since winning trumps all other considerations and these campaign pros are all in it for the win. One or two characters are shown to have some measure of integrity and principle, but it's still hard to sympathize when you realize that only in defeat do these masters of deceit and manipulation stop to smell the shit stuck to their shoes.

Ok, I can shift gears and try to chase away those dark clouds of caustic cynicism or I can run with it and use it to cue up my latest list of...



Note: In my efforts to keep this blog active and refreshed on an almost daily basis, I've had to cultivate some strange habits Now, in addition to keeping notes and files on various topics and issues, I also keep running lists of such things as Pet Peeves, jokes, puns, images, news stories, random anecdotes culled from all manner of sources...not the least of which is the day-to-day contributions from friends and colleagues. And since most of my colleagues are "Creative-Services" types, it should come as no surprise that the majority of their contributions would be best described as gripes, complaints, annoyances and assorted other Grumpy Gus-isms that keep us happy and content in our cozy offices and cubicles of dysfunction and disdain. So here's a selection featuring some items of my own combined with assorted others that I somehow took the time to record or remember. Thanks to all for keeping this file fitter and fatter than all the others.

People obsess about what they'll put in their mouths and stomachs, but not about what they put in their eyes and ears.
How is eating a couple of Big Macs with Fries and a coke any different than watching Fox News or American Idol?
(Ok, I know it's different, but work with me here people...)

Women are always asking why men never put the (toilet) seat down . But you never hear men asking women why they don't put the seat up.

Parents/people who talk baby talk to kids who are no longer babies.

The toilets that flush themselves often flush while you're still sitting on them...which is not hygenic! All that splashing?
What was wrong with the handle? I did it with my foot...no muss, no fuss. Bet the auto flush wastes more water too.

Elevator eaters. Are you really that hungry? Can't wait the uh, oh maybe 16 seconds it takes to get from the lobby to your floor that you have to open that sandwich now and take a big bite out of it as the mayo oozes out of the side and drips onto...? Well, I hope it's your shoes.

You're using your speakerphone on the train? Now we can hear you and the person on the other line? Because....?
Oh, I see, you also want to be able to write, or read, or go through your handbag at the same time...Okay, I see...my bad.

Al Gore. Haven't seen or heard from him in years, but he still bugs me.

Ditto John Edwards.

First you cover nose and mouth, then you sneeze. First cover, then sneeze. Got it?

I know, life is hard. It's a lot of work. Especially when you're raising a family. But still, is it that hard to put the shopping cart in the cart holder space (what do you call it? The cart corral? ) or at the very least move it out of the parking space?

Why is it rude or distasteful to bite your fingernails in public but not to clip them? At least the biter usually eats the nail...the clipper is shooting pieces all over the room.

Skin tight jeans. On anyone. I can't breathe just looking at them.

When you toss it at the garbage can and miss...follow up the shot, and make the lay-up. Don't wait for someone else to grab the rebound. For christ sake...who do you think you are? Carmelo Anthony?

Take the clothes off your dog. Now!

"Let me ask you a question..." is no way to start a conversation...unless you're Joe McCarthy or Ken Starr.

Every pump at the Gas station is occupied. You just finished filling your tank. But now you leave your car where it is while you go to the bathroom, buy a chili dog, grab a soda, check out the newspaper headlines. I hope that Chili Dog gives you the runs.

Fathers who say " I gotta babysit the kids tonite." Sorry fella, too late, they're your kids now. Gonna be your kids for a while too. Better get used to it...cause there's no tip or carfare home after they're tucked in for the night.

Guitar Hero. Like American Idol. Innocent fun right? And people enjoy it...but all the same it just makes me sick.

You're giving a presentation. It's all data and numbers. And more than once you say " The numbers speak for themselves."
So why aren't you letting them?

Couples who sit on the same side of the booth when there is no one on the other side.

Taking 20 napkins, using one, throwing rest in trash. You think those napkins grow on trees? Well, you’re right.

Referring to oneself as mommy or daddy when talking to your dog.

Drivers who are unyielding at yield signs.

Spending countless weeks or months researching, digging, putting two and two together and realizing that the official story is a crock... only to be accused of being a sucker for conspiracy theories.

Taking more food at a Buffet table than you can eat.

Asking the waiter (who will have to ask the chef/cook) to customize every element of your meal…

Paying for a bagel and coffee with a credit card while six people are waiting behind you on line

Jelly beans that don’t remotely taste like anything their color would indicate.

Greeting Cards with political jokes.

Callers who leaves their phone number too fast or incoherently.

It’s 'supposedly' not 'supposebly'.

Theatre seats with one armrest for two seats. What’s the protocol? First come first served? Ultimately (among the civil minded) it then goes unused by either party.

“You can skip this ad in 5 seconds”. Has anyone ever not skipped the ad?

The plastic hinges on CD cases that break just by breathing on them.

The ranking of people and things that can’t/shouldn’t be quantified ie: He/she/it’s the number one/best/finest/most amazing musician/writer/actor/restaurant/….blah blah blah.

Anti-climactic ends to long lists.



I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
Abraham Lincoln