Pope Springs Eternal

In 2010, New Pope Francis, Argentinian Jorge Mario Bergoglio , strongly opposed same-sex marriage legislation introduced by the Argentine government, calling it a  "... a destructive pretension against the plan of God."  He has also called adoption by  gay couples child abuse, saying it was "discrimination against children."

At the Urinals. The men’s bathroom, Sistine Chapel, Vatican City, Rome. 

Italian Cardinal : All morning, all I can think is... urine.

U.S. Cardinal:  Yes! What a relief...

Nigerian Cardinal: You white guy’s really do have tiny dicks.

Brazilian Cardinal: We must decide soon, I don't want to miss football match. 

Italian Cardinal : Ok.  We decide now.

U.S. Cardinal:  Wait... you said I'm in.

Irish Cardinal:  He said URINE, you Jackass.

Swiss Cardinal:  Whatever, I’m neutral.

German Cardinal: Vote for me, I get you all the BMWs you want. 

Mexican Cardinal: Vote for me, I get you all the weed you want.

Argentine Cardinal:  Vote for me, I make Gay adoption of children a sin.

Australian Cardinal:  Ah, who cares?

Argentine Cardinal: Well, think about it...the homos hate us right? So they don't come to church, and if they don't come to church they will not bring their children to church and if they don't bring their children to church...

Swedish Cardinal:...where will we get the little boys from...?

Argentine Cardinal: Precisely.

French Cardinal: And the little girls?

Argentine Cardinal:  We have to eat no?  Somebody has to do cooking.

All:  Jor-ge!  Jor-ge!  Jor-ge!

Frequent readers of this space have heard this before ...so forgive me for  beating a dead horse...but when I came this Boehner quote, I got steamed..

Governors are trying to find ways to balance their budgets, which they’re required to do. In some of these states you’ve got collective bargaining laws that are so weighted in favor of the public employees that there’s almost no bargaining. We’ve given them a machine gun and put it right at the heads of the local officials and they really have their hands tied. "

--John Boehner ( addressing Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker's "Budget Repair Bill" that essentially eliminated all collective bargaining rights except for those related to wages)

Yeah, well that's just like your opinion man."

                                                                  --The Dude

 Facts* :   Three of the 13 non-collective bargaining states are among the 11 states facing budget shortfalls at or above 20% (Texas, Louisiana, North Carolina). Another, South Carolina, comes in at a sizable 17.4%. Nevada, where state employees have no collective bargaining rights (but local employees do) has the largest percentage shortfall in the country, at 45.2%. All in all, eight non-collective-bargaining states face larger budget shortfalls than Wisconsin.

   The goals of most attacks on collective bargaining are obvious and  NY Times coverage over the last year   confirms what they are : silence public sector unions where possible, win popular support with an uninformed public, raise money for campaign coffers from private business and strip employees of the ability to counter these efforts politically in the statehouse or at the polls. 

 For background information about those seeking to end collective bargaining rights, check out watchdog group Center for Public Integrity (CPI) and Mother Jones magazine. These provide details about the influence of the Koch Brothers, major anti-union players in the Wisconsin fight and elsewhere round the country. They are also busy in funding a lot of political action committees for upcoming elections.

*  From the Center for Budget and Policy Priorities.

Comma Sense 

A 45 Second Play to close out the week.

The wee hours, James Madison and Thomas Jefferson at the Ale House

Madison:  Okay, how bout this: The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed?

Jefferson:  What?  You can’t be serious.

Madison:  Well, I assume the military context is understood.  

Jefferson:  Assume nothing man, make it plain so it cannot be misunderstood.  

Madison: Ok, how bout:  There shall be a well regulated militia and

the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

Jefferson:  No, we gotta make sure the bearing of arms is protected only as it is required by a Militia—you must not separate them.

Madison:  Ok, I got it. Here we go:  A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state COMMA  the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

Jefferson:  Perfect.  No one could possibly misinterpret that.

Three More 15 Second Plays.

( The Green Room just before taping the show)

Oprah: Ready?

Lance: Yup.

Oprah: You know the drill?

Lance:  Yup

Oprah:  You act contrite, I act shocked.

Lance:  Yup

Oprah:  But don't overdo it.

Lance: Nope

Oprah:  Gotta stretch it out, get two shows out of it.

Lance:  Yup.

Oprah:  Good.  Now let's go make some money.

Lance:  I'm right behind ya.

( McCain, Romney, and Barkeep at the Country Club )

Bartender: One Remy, one Diet Coke.

Mitt: I had it in the bag.

John: Me too.

Mitt:  No you didn't.

John: I did till we picked Sarah.

Mitt: That was so dumb.

John: At least I didn't bad mouth half the country on video.

Mitt:  Fuckin cell phones, nobody told me they had  cameras in em.

John: They do?

Bartender: (walking away talking into his iPhone) Hey Maureen, I just sent you a video, you won't believe it.

(Ron and Rand Paul in the U.S. Capitol Cafeteria)

Ron:  If you're gonna run, you need a new handle.

Rand: You don't like constitutional conservative?

Ron: Too Ivy League, I prefer minarchist libertarian. 

Rand :  How bout laissez-faire noninterventionist?

Ron: Redundant. I got it-- strict constructionist champion of unfettered primacy of  private property!

Rand: What the hell does that mean?

Ron:  Nothing!  That's the point!

Rand:  What's the point?

Ron:  What were we talking about?

The Documentary film, The World according to Dick Cheney premieres on Showtime on Friday.  If you reside on either of the political poles you'll probably find it sorely wanting.  It neither demonizes the man nor honors him...and generally digs no deeper than a Wikipedia bio entry with little of the kind of revelatory insight one hopes to encounter in seeing and hearing the principal players responding to direct inquiry.  I know a bit about the obstacles the film maker faced, but all the more reason some effort might have been made to let the viewer know what they were in order to better understand how and why key figures, factors and events are absent and unaccounted for.  But Cheney speaks for himself and in those words he reveals more than a few clues to the darker truths that lie beneath the surface.  It's no Fog of War, but then again, not much is, and during the lingering frustration I felt after watching it, I felt the urge to wax political/poetical.

Cheney Agonistes

What happened to men like these

driven to achieve

yet ashamed to feel

to rise above 

and beyond the reach of conscience

What happened to men like these--

who sought a bitter form of solace

in self satisfied certainty.
A contagion of cowardice
infects the innocent as well as the arrogant

What happened to men like these

who live behind walls

insulated

barricaded from doubt

and deaf to the sound of distant voices 

questioning

their unquestioning will.

And

what happened to men 

like we--

who failed to deter them? 

 Results of "new collective nouns"contest.

                        A mingling of vases

                        A tenet of palindromes

                        A hotbed of quilts

                        A pompadour of newsmen

                        A brace of orthodontists

                        A rash of dermatologists

                        A gaffaw of comedians

                        An amalgam of dentists

                        A cast of orthopedists

                        A slew of hit men

                        A spar of pugilists

                        A fart of ass kissers

                        A flash of paparazzi

                        A skein of knitters

                        An enigma of riddles

                   A flutter of flirts

                   A Lance of cheaters

                   A writ of lawyers

                   A barren of bloggers

                

 (cause I promised) "SENIOR" TEXTING CODES FROM AOD READER E.S. 

ATD - At the Doctor

BFF - Best Friend Fell

BYOB - Bring Your Own Bicarbonate

DWI - Driving While Incontinent

FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

LOL - Living on Lipitor

ROFL--CGU - Rolling on the Floor Laughing...Can't get Up!

 TOT - Texting on Toilet

 TTYL- Talk to you Louder

----------------------

" I", said the president, who is inordinately fond of the first-person singular pronoun, "want to disabuse people of this notion that somehow we enjoy meddling in the private sector..."

If you struck from Barack Obama’s vocabulary the first-person singular pronoun, he would fall silent, which would be a mercy to us and a service to him, actually...

--George Will

  George Will’s impression about Obama's self centered grammar is based on no discernible data.  Mark Liberman has published about 17 Language Log posts on this topic since early June 2009. Counting occurrences of I, me, my, and myself in presidential speeches and news conferences, Liberman rapidly discovered that President Obama uses these pronouns far less than his predecessors. George W. Bush’s speeches used the first-person singular pronouns 60 to 70 percent more than Obama does; Bill Clinton used them about 50 percent more.

You like Kids?

You like Art?

You like Maps?

Then put em all together and you got...

This one is called Map of the Junkyard. 

 Not from a toddler...but the thinking is just as pure. 

Dear Abbey.

Dear Abbey,

I've watched every episode of every season and not once have I seen anyone use the bathroom.  What gives? 

Constipated in Connecticut

Dear Connie,

The show is quite accurate in this respect, the clothing worn (by the upper classes in particular) during that period in England comprised many layers with scores of buttons, accessories, laces and belts and the like, so any attempt to disassemble it all for the purposes of waste elimination was rendered virtually impossible. Have you noticed how they all have such good posture?  Well, that is due less to proper breeding and more a result of everyone keeping their ass cheeks as tightly pressed together as possible to avoid what would certainly be a most humiliating and possibly scandalous embarrassment.

-------------

Dear Abbey,

Lord Grantham and Lady Grantham seem to be highly educated and intelligent people.  Yet neither is capable of getting dressed without assistance.  Please advise.

Bewildered and Bothered in Saratoga

Dear BABS,

See previous answer.

------------------

Dear Abbey,

I will not and I cannot accept the fact that Matthew is dead.  

Please say it isn't so. 

Sobbing on Sunday

Dear SOB, 

 Matthew doesn't exist.  He never did.  He's a fictional character in a made-up story played by an actor who for very real non-fiction reasons has chosen to pursue other professional options.  Get over it. 

-----------------------

Dear Abbey,

Considering how many meals are served and consumed, and how little physical exercise is taken by anyone at Downton, how is it that no one is fat or even a bit plump?  Is Lady Grantham a closet Bulimic?  

Jealous and Pissed

Dear JAP,

Perhaps you hadn't noticed, but Dowton Abbey is a rather large  place.  The Grounds and surrounding acreage most likely exceeds that of Central Park in NY-- perhaps by a great margin. Also, the house ( actually, a Castle) is roughly the equivalent in square footage to The Metropolitan Museum of Art.  Have you ever been there?  Have you ever walked through the rooms from one end to the other?  Were you hungry afterwards?  Why do you think there are so many food vendors just outside on Fifth Ave.?  At Downton, the energy expended getting into your dinner clothes and then making the trek from your dressing room to the dining hall is more than sufficient to burn whatever calories one might consume during the standard fourteen course meal to follow.

 -------------------

Dear Abbey,

Much of this last season revolved around financial affairs, but no mention has ever been made of any of the particulars.  How much did Lord Grantham lose in his failed investment?  How much did Matthew inherit from his (almost) father in law? How much does it take to maintain Downton?  How much money is spent on the staff?  How much does someone like Mr. Carson make? How much money does Lady Grantham's mother have? 

Just Enquiring in Westchester

Dear JEW,

The answer to all your questions (except Mr. Carson's salary) is...a shitload.